I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
