found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize