Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dicks are not precious.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
