I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
