Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
