i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
