so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
