I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
