Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
