What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm bleeding and have questions
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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