Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize