I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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