I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
