just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
