I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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