Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
