it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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