It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize