Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
