it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
