I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
