I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
