you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
