mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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