Your dad touched me again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
