i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
