I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
