I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
