Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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