I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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