Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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