I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
