I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i out mim tonsoeep
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