tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
