I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
