last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
