I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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