Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can't talk, ducks in the car
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
