I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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