good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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