problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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