none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
