i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
