We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
