I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
