she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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