i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
