so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
