its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
