The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
