Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
