apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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