Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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