Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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