Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
