Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
