wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
