apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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