Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
