fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
