I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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