Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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