Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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