I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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